Confronting a Cager

[coffee_brake]

Parking lot at the gym, busy time, cross traffic in the lot must stop to allow traffic entering from the main road to get through (and get out of the road!). Stop signs painted into the lot.

Of course the cages in front of me took their sweet time entering the lot, leaving me dangerously far into the main road of oncoming traffic.
Then the SUV at the STOP sign just pulls right out, cutting of another car and coming so close to me I had to swerve to get out of the way!

Well this is the YMCA parking lot and you sure ain't gonna outrun me. I followed the SUV across the lot, parked a couple spaces down, and jumped off the bike, prepared to give the driver a piece of my mind! She wasn't even out of her SUV yet, wasn't in a hurry, sitting there texting. I took a closer look and recognized one of the women who attend the same aerobics as me, we've attended many of the same classes for months and months. I was no less furious and now I KNEW I would be able to confront her. I kept reminding myself the poor results that emotional outbursts and sanctimonious arguments produce.

Inside I got ready for class and as I walked to the doorway, there was the driver, still texting, standing all alone in the hallway. Perfect!

Me: "Hey, can I ask you a question? Maybe you didn't know it, but you almost hit me on my motorcycle in the parking lot just now."
Her: "Huh? What? Oh my gosh. I didn't see any motorcycles. Just now?"
Me: "Yep, at the entrance. I blew the horn and moved out of the way, but you ran a stop sign and came very close to running me over."
Her: "I'm sorry. Thank you for bringing this to my attention! This shouldn't have happened! I'm so sorry!"
Me: "It's OK, sometimes...."
Her: "It's NOT OK, I almost hit you!"
Me (taken aback): "I know we all make mistakes, we should both pay close attention in the parking lot, people get careless when they're in a hurry."
Her: "Well that should not have happened, and I'm sorry."

Wow, she was genuinely sorry! I didn't have to be nasty or raise my voice or flip her off or anything. How many drivers would accept that they made a mistake and not get all defensive and angry?
I honestly feel like it was a wake-up call for her and she'll be more careful.

I guess this particular rider has a face she knows, and the thought of injuring someone hits a little closer to home.

[Burgi]

Yep, I've had similar experiences. More often than not I don't think they are out to kill us, that would mean they know we exist. 
When you bring to their attention that you are in fact; a living, breathing person that they very nearly wiped you off the face of the earth they are truly shocked. Lots of people live in their own little worlds, cars can really aid in this. Outside noises deadened, climate controlled, music, TV, phone....why think about the world outside?
I really wish there was something that got people out of their cars and spending a little time walking or bicycling in areas frequented by cars. I am sure you would see a huge change in attitudes.

[hockeyhawk]

Glad to see happy ending, good for you Jenn for speaking up and good for her for taking responsibility for her actions, hopefully it was a learning experience for her.

[JB1290]

I think the best thing you did in this situation was keeping a cool head even though you were clearly pissed off and wanted to go completely "off" on this lady. Like the old saying goes, "cooler heads prevail". Glad you used your riding exprience and skills to avoid getting hurt and maybe you opened this lady's eyes to pay more attention to motorcycles in general.

 It is so hard for us to not flip out on someone when they almost run us down but, it's always better to take deep breath before you confront the person. If they aren't receptive in a possitive way when you say something them, then you can let the expletives fly.   

[hppants]

When I saw the title of this thread, and its author, I thought    "Oh NO!! Jenn has gone postal on somebody - hope Hutch has enough bond money handy."  

Well done, Jenn.  Like you told me a long time ago "There all out to kill us."

[bajakirch]

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, right?

I can tell you that, from being the guy people call when things start to go from bad to worse, confronting another driver in almost full-on rant almost never ends well. Good for you for keeping your head and talking to the other driver in a civilized manner. I can guarantee that it was more effective than if you'd gone in guns-a-blazin'.

 

[DesignFlaw06]

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, right?

You can catch even more flies with manure. 

Had an incident with a cage last night, who decided he was done with his milkshake. He threw his entire cup and what I would guess was a good portion of his shake out the window. That proceeded to splatter and go everywhere. I managed to avoid most of it, but instantly I was mad. Having it hit me on the bike or in the truck wouldn't make any difference. Fortunately I was able to calm down enough to stop following him. (The fact that I was almost out of gas probably had a lot to do with that.)

And this is why I don't own a gun. Otherwise, I would have pulled along side of him, squeezed the trigger, and not thought twice about it. I can only hope that when I stopped following him, he hit a tree and went through the windshield. And ideally it would happen before he breeds, producing more of them. The same goes for those that throw cigarette butts out the window. At what point did smokers think they became better than everyone else? Catch one in the neck and you'll understand why I'm so bitter.

See? Even talking about it is getting me all worked up again! I'm going to retreat to my happy place.

[DesignFlaw06]

Sorry Jen, I didn't mean to jack your thread.

Your message is a good one, and I hope we can all follow your example with similar results.

[coffee_brake]

Quite honestly, I considered this lady to be a "prima donna" of the aerobics classes: matching outfits, perfectly groomed hair (who does mousse and styles their hair for the gym?), never lifts heavy weights, small, unassuming...and drives a HUGE honkin' SUV.

But once she understood what I was saying, her first response was to assume responsibility. That's a big person there, not a small one. It's natural to get defensive and she didn't do that, didn't avoid the situation, didn't walk away, didn't argue....I was impressed.
She's almost old enough to be my mother, all the more impressive her response to me.

We've all reacted angrily to cagers who do us wrong, this is the very first time I feel talking about a near-accident with a cager made a difference.

[NightHawked]

You done good, real good. Your riding ability to see it and to get out of her way, of course. Just as important was to bring it to her attention in a way that benefits all.

[talespin]

(who does mousse and styles their hair for the gym?)

Well . . . me. I ain't goin' in there lookin' all jacked up.

Kudos on the way you handled it, and kudos to her for the way she handled it. As others have said, they're not out there looking to kill motorcyclists, they just aren't thinking.

coffee_brake - making the world safer for riders, one cager at a time.   

[drdubb]

I've always been impressed by your ability to think though situations.

[coffee_brake]

I've always been impressed by your ability to think though situations.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....he don't know me very well, do he?   

[SirSeanSean]

This post is kinda bitter-sweet. On one side, I'm super happy that your ok CB and that for once someone else was actually sorry for what they did and took it to heart. On the other side in my head while reading this, the kid inside me was wanting to go, "Fight Fight Fight!" 

Glad your ok.

[HandsomeSteve]

This forum could band together and probably write a large volume on the near misses we've had.  Glad your cager was so responsive and not the usual blank stare like they don't know what you're talking about.

A few weeks ago a car pulled right out in front of me (to travel in the same direction I'm going).  I tried to aggressively stop but there was just not enough distance, swerved and made it to the side of the car.  Side by side and he's speeding up, I'm slowing down and glance off the rear qtr panel.  Never went down but got myself stopped and the car pulls over down the road.  Gather myself and ride down to the car.  Guy gets out and he had to be in his late 80s and looking feeble.  All I could think was this guy could be my grandfather, probably a WWII vet, etc.  Felt sorry for him and just calmly said, "Sir, you pulled out right in front of me, you need to please watch for motorcycles."  Just happy I didn't get hurt.

[coffee_brake]

This forum could band together and probably write a large volume on the near misses we've had.  Glad your cager was so responsive and not the usual blank stare like they don't know what you're talking about.

A few weeks ago a car pulled right out in front of me (to travel in the same direction I'm going).  I tried to aggressively stop but there was just not enough distance, swerved and made it to the side of the car.  Side by side and he's speeding up, I'm slowing down and glance off the rear qtr panel.  Never went down but got myself stopped and the car pulls over down the road.  Gather myself and ride down to the car.  Guy gets out and he had to be in his late 80s and looking feeble.  All I could think was this guy could be my grandfather, probably a WWII vet, etc.  Felt sorry for him and just calmly said, "Sir, you pulled out right in front of me, you need to please watch for motorcycles."  Just happy I didn't get hurt.

See now, that's restraint right there. And the driver pulled over to take responsibility for his actions too.
I bet you both learned about that day. Him about driving with slowing reaction time, and you about controlling your emotional impulses.

[Stitch919]

The same goes for those that throw cigarette butts out the window. At what point did smokers think they became better than everyone else? Catch one in the neck and you'll understand why I'm so bitter.

as a smoker myself i dont understand why people throw their butts out the window i mean its not that hard to get an ashtray and empty it out once in a while in a trash can. and i never thought of anything like that happening(but i dont toss anything out the window) but i can deffinatly see it cause i have had people throw random stuff out the window and almost hit me some by accident im sure and others were out for me(maybe cause im not on a harley, maybe they were drunk, who knows but they were deff out for me).

coffee_brake - making the world safer for riders, one cager at a time.  

so do we call her the cager whisperer??

[coffee_brake]

Well the thread is really old, Stitch.

But I still see the cage driver at the gym pretty often. For a couple months she didn't want to speak or make eye contact. I think she was embarrassed, I know I would be. But now she says good morning and we carry on as normal. Except I bet every day she sees me, she pays more attention in the parking lot.

[Stitch919]

yeah i noticed it was 6months old. i was just goin thru random threads cause i had nothing else to do, and just wanted to look around. found some threads to comment on just on a whim and yeah.